Z and the Universe

From March 21,2008:

I use Yahoo Messenger for my IM’s, mostly because the vast majority of people I know use it too. And while it’s not perfect, it does work. I’ve also gotten a pretty large “friends” list, too. Most of the people I talk to online are really friends; people who I like and who I have either met in person or hope to someday.

And there’s a few who I won’t, and wonder why I ever “friended” them. They are Tgirls, who I thought were interesting or who contacted me. But after a while, I have realized their needs and mine are not the same.

See, I’m not a whore. Or a madam. My home isn’t a brothel. I am not a dating service, or a tour guide. I don’t do charity work for wayward trannies.

So why is it that people want me to:

* Have sex with them, even when they know I’m married.
* Want me to find them someone who’ll have sex with them.
* Want to come to my house so I can “entertain” them because they can’t in their own home.
* Want me to invite them to come to Dallas and spend time showing them around and “partying.”
* Want me to show them how to shop, dress, do makeup, behave, for nothing more than their gratitude.

Why?

What reason should I have to break up my relationship for you? Why should I find you a sex partner? Why should I bring a stranger to my home because they’re not out to their own spouse? Why should I spend days entertaining you? Why should I teach you when you’re not willing to do the work first?

Because we’re “sisters?” Honey, we didn’t come out of the same womb. Because I somehow owe you? No, I don’t. I owe a debt to those who have helped me-for no other reason than they wanted to. They didn’t ask for anything in return. And I’ve helped trannys who asked but didn’t grab onto me like a leech when I said “Now you do it.”

I’m finding that I am becoming such a cynic.

Oh, there IS a caveat. There are people out there who I’d do anything for. Who I regard as friends, who I care about, and who have shown me kindness through the years. They know me, my life, and would NEVER ask something that I couldn’t do. Those people always have an open invitation to my home, and I’d happily play tour guide because I enjoy their company. And I bet those people know who they are, too.

True friends have my heart. The leeches get my stompy boot.

This was a reaction to a series of requests from people who wanted a “friend” but really wanted a f**k buddy or a free makeover. And I just got mad.

Still mean this one, too.

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February 2, 2008:

I’m trying not to be jealous, or act like a bitch, however…

Thank you all for telling me about your adventures and plans to attend all these fabulous events. And when I tell you I can’t go to any of these or meet up with you because a) I have no job and b) I have no disposable income, I’m being honest. Go, have fun, but I can’t, sorry.

Now fuck of and die, okay?
(just kidding)

I was having some issues, and about this time some “friends” were bragging about their trips and adventures and kept commenting how I did not seem to be getting out much. The reason was that I was not working and didn’t have the money to blow on stuff. And I got a bit irritated, so…

I still mean it, though.

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From August 28, 2006:

Yahoo sent me a notice that I had violated my terms of service. Of course, they do not tell you WHAT you did. I found out that they have deleted posts from my blog. It is obvious which ones they were, and I imagine it was done because someone was offended by them.

As a result, I am not going to post any entries here until I feel I can do so without risking my Yahoo account. There are other places that I can post comments without censorship…

As of today, I still do not know the exact reason my posts were removed. I know that the ones that were removed were the ones where I reprinted IMs from the clueless. It’s my guess that one of them complained, and instead of asking me to do it, Yahoo gutted my blog.

I had a major explosion over this, then decided that I already had other options. If anything, this blog was the result of Yahoo’s actions. I didn’t post much on 360 beyond this point, and didn’t really post anything publicly (I moved my LiveJournal to friends only status not to much after this) until I decided to create this blog. Whos history I will explore later…

I wish I’d kept those conversations, but I did not.

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This was in response to a comment to one of my IM repostings. From July 8, 2006:

Jesus posted a comment to my 360. Nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to do that.

Of course, this got wiped out when Yahoo purged my “objectionable content.” Which started my move away from them…

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This was posted after my first trip to Dallas, when we were getting ready to move. My spouse had decided she had to move from New Orleans after Katrina, and she’d found a job here. I really did not know Dallas, did not know anyone here. So I was on a trip to the city to scout things out…

From April 14, 2006:

A great time in Dallas last weekend. Met some of the local tgirls at MCDC Saturday night; they were welcoming and friendly to a stranger. Went to the gay clubs afterward, which were fun. Sunday night went to The Church which is a Goth club and danced my ass off. Oh, there was also shopping, house hunting, eating, and in general getting to know the city. A good thing.

And just for you, a new picture, taken at The Church Sunday night. I feel it’s one of my best :)

I became a member of MCDC, but I’ve pretty much given up on them. I found friends here, made my own social group, and have gotten more comfortable with myself. The Church is fun, except when they do a big event then is so crowded you can’t think. While I found a house I loved on this trip, we couldn’t move on it fast enough. The house we actually purchased I did not see until I moved to Dallas.

And that picture is still one of my favorites.

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This was one of those posts created out of frustration. I was going through a period when I was being bombarded by stupid, horny men who thought I was just as stupid and horny as they were. So, I got my poison pen out and got creative…From January 24, 2006.

Do not send me a picture of your penis. I know what a penis looks like, and mine’s nicer.

Yes, that means I am an-ohmygawd-crossdresser/transvestite/transgendered/tranny/etc. If this shocks you, then you probably don’t want to talk to me.

Do not ask “asl” because that means you haven’t looked, have you? But for the slow learners out there: fortysomething/yes, but not with you/in front of my computer

Yes, I am beautiful. Fabulous, even. Thank you for saying so.

Yes, I am a Dominant. No, you may not call me “Mistress.”

I have lots of pictures of myself-but you’re not going to see them.

I am dressed; I rarely use the computer when I am nude.

No, I will not get dressed up so you can see me on webcam.

Do not “ding” me. It just annoys me.

On average, you have fifteen seconds to make an impression on me. Or less.

I know how to block people. I do it a lot.

Get the point?

Oh, and if you are truly stupid, I’ll post copies of your messages on my blog. Right here. Just because I can.

That last bit got me into trouble with Yahoo’s Thought Police. I was censured for reposting my favorite stupid IM’s, which were removed by Yahoo, and the beginning of the end of my posting to my 360 blog. This was also the most-responded to entry.

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A little survey I took, from November 2, 2005.

I made a couple of small changes, but for the most it’s the same answers I gave back then. Wonder what that means…

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